The identity crisis that I experience as a mom is something that I struggle with daily. The constant back and forth of reminiscing on life before kids, loving all the precious mommy moments now, and planning and strategizing to ensure they have a great childhood and future can be mentally draining. Not to mention the fact that most of my friends don’t have kids. Therefore, I don’t have a large mom community to talk to. I constantly ask myself, “How can I give my all to my kids, still maintain my relationship, and still have fun and focus on my life and dreams?” Sometimes it seems impossible.
I love everything about being mom from watching them grow and become such adorable, loving, and funny human beings to the constant, screaming, running, and pure chaos that I experience everyday. The middle-of-the-night sick, crying baby and the scary trips to the emergency room can sometimes be very overwhelming. And I don’t even remember what a clean house looks like. There is always crayons, paint, blocks, cars, etc everywhere. But it all comes with the territory.
As much as I love my kids and love being a mother, sometimes I have to take time for myself. I have been working on creating a balance. I try to spend two nights a week writing or working on my dreams. And working out has become such a release for me. It’s 30 minutes to an hour a day that I have to dedicate to me and my self-health. I usually get it done really early before the kids get up or after they go to bed. Once a week, I go to a class at 7PM and daddy has to take over. I also try to get out once or twice a month with my friends or hubby, kid-free. It’s easy to make yourself feel guilty for taking this time for yourself, but I find that it is so necessary to ensure you are stress-free and focused on your kids when you are on mommy duty.
The next step for me is to budget in an allowance for myself. This would be for me to get my hair done, nails done, or buy an outfit or two for myself. It’s so important for moms to find some sort of compromise to ensure they maintain some sense of self. You are important to your kids and they need you. But you also must have an identity that is separate from making lunches, doing homework, and being “mommy”.
What are some of the ways you maintain a sense of self as a mom?